Wow, hard to believe that I have been in the wonderful land Down Under for 4 months! Four very hot, fun, interesting, months of living in the place that has been the number 1 destination for years! Just goes to show you that it is indeed true about what they say: where there is a will there is indeed a way.
It cracks me up that after a few days (or a week) of not getting in touch with my sis, she messages me asking if I have been kidnapped. Nothing quite that dramatic has happened to me though I have been warned ahead of time by a friend to watch out that an aborigine man doesn’t steal me in the night and forces me into being his white wife. The thought of it!
So a couple of things:
Kangaroos do not run rampart throughout Australia contrary to belief, but you should watch out because if they decide to target you, mate, you’d better sprout some wings and take flight cuz you are in deep doo-doo.
Not EVERYTHING can kill you but everything can do bodily harm…painful bodily harm. Cute little kookaburra in the tree? Ha, better take cover because it’s mating season and you are passing near their tree; that’s right, you’re getting a nasty surprise attack! Better wear a hat… better yet, put spikes on it too. Actually, just don’t go near that tree… just don’t. Did I mention the magpies? No? Well, look up the movie “The Birds” filmed in 1963 and directed by Alfred Hitchcock. I rest my case.
Snakes. All snakes are out to get you! I mean they have a black list and you,mate, are at the top. Seriously, don’t go bush walking unless you have a death wish. Now, if that’s literally the last thing you want to do -rejoice!- it shall be the last thing you do. Seriously…
Malls, excuse me, shopping centers sell EVERYTHING! Gotta go to the bank, get a massage, maybe sneak in a workout while you’re at it, mail a letter, get some clothes -maybe some fresh fruit and veg too while you’re at it- and go to the library to study for a few hours afterwards? Kill all 37 birds with one stone and go to the shopping center! Feel like spending the night after such a busy day? Ha, well, you can got to the hotel that’s adjacent than grab dinner at any number of 457 restaurants, catch the latest flick at the theater, and start the day all.. over.. again. Yes, You can do all this without leaving the shopping center. This is the future, people!
O.my.bubbles, I must mention the coffee. Two steps away form heaven yet totally divine. Seriously, grab a cup, meet me at the shopping center, and let’s talk about it.
The Australian accent… sigh. Need I say more?
Tidal waves, sharks, sun, skin, and beautiful Australian men -must take a special moment to thank the Lord for Australian men -accents included. All these are things you will enjoy on a typical Australian beach and you know what? You’re gonna love every single second of it. You’ll enjoy every minute of it, that is, if you wear lots and lots and lots and lots of sunblock. The hole in the ozone layer is so large here that skin cancer rains from the sky. So yeah wear lots and lots and lots and lots of sunscreen -not a single spf below 50!- and you’ll be fine… except for the sharks but not worries, if you don’t surf, you should be fine. If you do, Bon Appetite… to the sharks.
Oh, one last think:
Australia’s motto -and I wholy condone it- live life fully and… no worries, mate!
Originally published: March 12, 2016 from somewhere in Australia by yours truly, of course.